If you’re a new or expecting mom, your brain is probably spinning from the information overload on books you’ve read and recommendations received. It doesn’t stop there because you’ll continue to get continuous advice from experienced moms, whether you like it or not! These women may think they’re helping, but some of the “advice” can actually be hurtful, negative, or depressing.
Motherhood is a unique journey for every woman who’s lucky enough to experience it. The bond that you will form with your child is unlike any other love you’ve ever known. Although being a mom can be the most rewarding and special gift, it can also come with it’s set of challenges.
You’ve probably heard this a million times before, but there’s no manual for parenting. We learn as we go and basically every mom is winging it at some point!
We can take advice from experienced mothers, but since every child is different, chances are that advice may not even work for you! So we go with the flow and challenge ourselves to be the best mom we can be for our child.
Forty six mom bloggers gave me some of the best and worst advice that they received as a new mom. You’ll realize as you read that women love to give short anecdotes about their experience, but that doesn’t mean that the same thing will work for you.
So take all this advice for new moms with a grain of salt. You’ll figure out your own way to parent that will be just perfect for your family.
Best Advice for New Moms
1. “Swaddle your baby, arms down!” We thought our baby “wanted” to sleep with his arms out. Big mistake! Babies like to be tightly swaddled. It’s comforting and will help them sleep much better! – Lauren Williams from Warrior Mama Life
2. “The only advice you need to be concerned about is from people you pay for it, like your pediatrician.” Take everything else with a grain of salt. 🙂 – Christine Backus from Where the Smiles Have Been
3. “It’s imperative that you find a group of mom friends. Motherhood is full of ups and downs. You will make mistakes. But that’s ok. You are still a great mom!!” – Lisa Van Groningen from Your Mom Village
4. “Tell people exactly what you need.” I learned that family and friends really want to help you, but they don’t always know what you need. It’s okay to ask for help and it’s okay to take the help that’s offered. You don’t need to do everything yourself. Those first few weeks are tough so give yourself a break. Maybe you need dinner tonight or help cleaning up or you just really need that nap, let your loved ones know. They aren’t mind-readers but they do want to help. – Cendu Param from Cendu Param
5. “As your child grows, learn what their personality type and strengths are as they may be different than yours. Embrace the child you were given, not the child you wish you had.” This sure came in handy seeing I have three neurodiverse intense boys! – Adriane Thompson from Raising Kids with Purpose
6. “Meet with a pediatrician before giving birth. It really helps to know the doctor before they see your baby the first time and to make sure they’re a good fit for your family.” – Niki Howlett from Toots Mom is Tired
7. “Follow your instincts and don’t compare yourself to others. Every child, mother and family is different so what works for one might not be the best for yours.” – Erin from The DIY Nuts
8. “Remember that the bad days won’t last forever. It will get easier!” – Danielle Howard from Cardamom and Coconut
9. “Take lots of pictures. Enjoy it. They grow up so quickly!” – Joanie Ann Daniels from Nourishing Time
10. “Don’t compare your child’s development rate with others. Some kids are slower or faster than others and that’s okay.” – Debbie Mogere from Mother and Baby Love
11. “Everything is a phase! They grow and change so fast. Some times are hard, but as quick as they come they are gone.” – Kinzy Frizzle from Coffee with Kinzy
12. “Fed is best” Some women simply can’t produce enough milk to breastfeed or don’t want to by choice. As long as you’re feeding your baby, that’s all that matters. – Tiffany Nelson from Simply Happenings
13. “You’ve got this! You are strong enough and smart enough to trust your instincts.” – Kristen Hubert from Nested Fox
14. “Babies cry.” At the time it felt harsh as my baby was crying at a friend’s house and I wasn’t sure why. The intention behind it is that babies cry sometimes, but you are still a great mom! New moms stress out when their babies cry of course, but this little saying helped me breathe and stop and stay calm while I figured out what my daughter was asking for. – Christina Bell from Mom in the Six
15. “Nothing will ever go as planned and that’s ok. Take your new role as mom day by day and don’t make it extra stressful for yourself (like making lots of appointments right away). Don’t be afraid to ask for help – After all it takes a village 🙂 – Linda Hurst from All About Baby Blog
16. “Don’t worry about spoiling your baby by holding him.” Babies need to be close to their mommies, so we can all be happy and loved! – Gena Lazcano from Ginger Casa
17. “Take your time. You are doing your best!” -Akshaya Bharadwaj from Cabinet of Thoughts
18. “Parent from the heart and do what feels the most right for you and your babies.” There isn’t a one-size-fits-all parenting technique that works for ALL parents and babies. Your triggers and the baby’s needs are so unique. Love your baby and do your best and forget about the judgy people. – Annie William from Venture 1105
19. “All babies are different so you have to adapt to each baby’s own needs.” You can’t parent each baby/kid the same way. – Kim Tang-Gonzalez from Mom with Babies
20. “The days are long and the years are short.” It’s amazing how long a day seems when you are nursing constantly. But when you look back, you can’t believe they are already a year old! Make a point to enjoy the “now.” There’s always something amazing about each age and things to be grateful for today. – Crystal Shriver-Garman from Simply Full of Delight
21. “Your instincts as a mother are never wrong.” Find providers and experts who encourage and respect your instincts as you are the expert on your baby. Beware of baby trainers! Instead, trust and listen to your instincts (they may be whispers at first). Dependence in a baby is developmentally appropriate. Independence will develop naturally when they’re ready! – Alexis Robinson from Sorta Crunchy Mama
22. “Declutter your home as much as possible during the nesting phase and while the baby still sleeps most of the day. By simplifying your home and removing clutter you will not only reduce stress, you will also free up time that you would have spent picking up and tidying. Instead you can use that time to rest or enjoy your new baby.” – Lauren Tingley from Simply-Well-Balanced
23. “Don’t tip toe around a sleeping baby.” Run the vacuum if you need to, put the dishes up, fill your cup up with ice. My kids can sleep through anything and I have been following this since day 1! – Stacy Tabb Craft from Protecting Your Pennies
24. “Do what works best for you and your baby and don’t worry about what others may think. There really is no one size fits all when it comes to motherhood!” -Allison Banfield from Proud Happy Mama
25. “Review your health insurance plan to make sure the benefits and the premiums are right for you and your newborn.” You can change plans when you have a baby, and sometimes switching plans can save hundreds of dollars each month! – Bryanna Foote from The Healthcare Hustlers
26. “Whatever you are doing is right.” I was so insecure about the decisions I was making as a new mom and a friend reminded me that it was my baby and whatever I chose was probably best for me and for my baby. – Amy Motrono from The Postpartum Party
27. “Shower everyday.” It will make everything seem brighter and more manageable. – Lyne Proulx from Ottawa Mommy Club
28. “Be prepared for your plan to change, or for your “rule book” to go out the window.” As new Mom’s we want to plan and be organized and be prepared for every situation as it comes up, but ultimately we need to be ok with/accept the fact that we will always be pivoting, we will always be adjusting, and our best laid plans will still not always work out. Be prepared and plan, until your plan doesn’t work, and then be flexible and adaptable. – Your Best Mom Friend
29. Consciously choose where to put your time and energy and automate whatever you can. – Your Best Mom Friend
30. “Be kind to yourself. You’re navigating a new journey after a major physical ordeal and on very little sleep. Give yourself some patience and grace.” – Cindy Hemming from Living for the Sunshine
31. “Take a newborn class.” It turned out to be really helpful in allowing us feel less scared & a little more prepared to actually take care of the baby. Just keep in mind that not everything they say will be completely applicable to your child. – Robin K. from Reinventing Robin
32. “Every child is different.” Don’t expect your first child to be anything like your second and don’t compare your child to your friend’s, cousin’s, or sister’s. They have different needs, personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. This makes parenting difficult sometimes, but it’s incredible how people can be so different, even from the same family. And it’s worth it to find what works best for each of your children. – Jen Kropf from Healthy Happy Impactful
Worst Advice for New Moms
1. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Every mom has to figure out her own way and very rarely is it possible to make this work, so then in addition to being tired, you feel guilty for not sleeping when the baby is napping. – Danielle Howard from Cardamom and Coconut
2. “Just wait til they’re toddlers!” Yes the toddler years can be more tough for some moms but no new mom wants to hear that it’s going to get worse! – Marissa from Teaching Littles
3. “Switch sides after 5 minutes when breastfeeding because after that there’s no food for baby.” Thankfully I knew better! Nurses can give some of the worst breastfeeding advice, so it is beneficial to educate yourself and ask to see an IBCLC if there is one on staff at the hospital. – Joanie Ann Daniels from Nourishing Time
4. “Don’t spoil your baby”
5. “You’re gonna miss this.” I felt so guilty, like I had to love every minute of the poops, the screams, and the lack of sleep. It’s actually ok to admit that it sucks at times! – Annie William from Venture 1105
6. “Don’t allow visitors in the first few days after baby is born.” My mother-in-law stayed with us for the first few months after baby was born and it was the greatest blessing. – Debbie Mogere from Mother and Baby Love
7. “Never wake a sleeping baby.” We were so desperate for rest that this seemed like a great idea, but this strategy made it very difficult to get our firstborn to eat well and sleep at night. Putting my babies on a sleep and feeding schedule (which meant waking them up from naps to eat) changed everything for the better. – Lisa Prosser from Messy Bun and Sun
8. “You should pump more. Everyone should be able to breastfeed.” I beat myself up over this one and by my second baby, I was diagnosed with insufficient glandular tissue (aka a lack of milk ducts). I felt crazy for trying all kinds of tea, herbs, lactation cookies, and power pumping when my body simply could not produce more. – Tiffany Nelson from Simply Happenings
9. “We didn’t do it like that in my day” …and then insert about a hundred different bits of advice about feeding, bathing and anything else! It’s the delivery of this kind of advice that makes it the worst because it undermines the choices you are making as a mother. – Kristen Hubert from Nested Fox
10. “Babies are expensive.” Sure, there are some costs to having a baby, but you don’t need to spend thousands on toys, clothes, and gadgets. See what you can get for free in a buy nothing group or secondhand before paying full price. – Brianne Bell from Frugal Minimalist Kitchen
11. “If you can’t successfully breastfeed it’s because you didn’t try hard enough.” I had twins born prematurely and I tried so very hard for 11 weeks. Once I stopped pumping for them, I was less stressed and I was a better mom because I had the time to enjoy my babies. On the other hand, I was able to breastfeed my singleton for over a year. So, the moral of the story is, every family’s situation is unique. If breastfeeding is just not working, don’t beat yourself up over it. – Jeanne Panels Visser from Have Twins First
12. “Breastfeeding comes naturally – just keep trying.” Nope, it doesn’t. After three months of trauma, Lactation Consultants, and more, I ended up pumping exclusively with my first (and all of my babies). So much better, and I wish someone had told me that was okay from the start. – Tiffany Thomas from Saving Talents
13. “Have a rigid schedule and specific sleep environment for babies and toddlers, otherwise they won’t sleep well.” It was super stressful trying to manage that when traveling and having adventures, which are two things that are critically important for regaining your own sense of self after baby! When you stop worrying about all of these sleep rules, you’ll find that babies and kids are quite adaptable and will actually do very well in almost any environment as long as they are with you! – Stephanie Dressler from Diapers and Cocktails
14. “Sleep when your baby sleeps.” It can be so hard as a first-time mom not to constantly check on your baby. I’m not a person who can nap easily so this complicated things. I was also pumping a lot when my first child was born and it was more like pump when the baby sleeps. – Audrey Wood from Two Pink Peonies
15. “Leave the baby in his crib and walk away, letting him cry. – He’ll figure it out.” Babies need to be close to their mommies, so we can all be happy and loved! – Gena Lazcano from Ginger Casa
16. “Once you have a baby, your natural instincts will kick in and you’ll know what to do.” This couldn’t be further from the truth for many women, especially if they didn’t grow up around or caring for babies. What helped me was having a few books I could reference so that I wasn’t constantly calling my baby’s pediatrician or lactation consultant. – Stephanie Mantilla from Plant Prosperous
17. Be careful taking advice from your parents and grandparents about your newborn because a lot of information they received is outdated. Jacqueline Gilchrist from Mom Money Map
18. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Sometimes some good ‘ol fashioned self-care is just as important as sleep. No matter how many mini-naps I got I still never felt rested. As an occasional alternative, do the things that will help make you feel like yourself again, while still catching somes zzzz’s as you can. – Melissa Kidd from Pretty Delightful
I hope you enjoyed the best and worst advice for new moms from all of these successful moms and bloggers! Every mom’s journey is different so take any advice lightly. Keep it in the back of your mind but don’t revolve your parenting around it! You’ll do great!
The post The Best and Worst Advice for New Moms from Experienced Ones appeared first on Just Simply Mom.