How Much Does a Baby Really Cost?

“Having kids is expensive.” This phrase is drilled into us in young adulthood so that we accept it at face value. It’s true that kids can be expensive, but they don’t have to be. By accepting that they are expensive by default, you don’t even think about the alternative.

Years before having kids was on our radar, my partner and I were talking to his friend. When the topic of kids came up, my partner said, “Well, we’ll buy most of our stuff secondhand.” At the time, we were living very cheaply to save money, so it was only natural to say. The friend, who funny enough didn’t have kids, was dismayed and said:

“You can’t put your firstborn child in secondhand stuff! You’ll change your mind when you have a kid.”

Six years later, we have a toddler and another child on the way. My partner and I look back at that conversation and laugh. We used so many hand-me-downs and secondhand items for our first child that our family members think we are the cheapest people they know.

How expensive is the first year?

Well, it depends who you ask.

In many countries, the costs of giving birth, healthcare costs for the baby, and childcare are expensive. Those things you cannot easily change. So let’s only talk about the nursery, baby gear, toys, and other crap…

If you go to websites to seek out the cost of these one-time items and ongoing supplies for the first year (clothing, furniture, car seats, toiletries, diapers, etc.), you’ll be quoted wildly different numbers, as shown below. What do they all have in common? They are very high numbers.

• WebMD: $3,000
• NerdWallet: $1,941 to 6,368 depending on your income
• BabyCenter Baby Cost Calculator: $6,886
• New Parent: $2,335 to $3,335
• Mom Loves Best Cost Calculator: $4,956
• USDA Report (clothing & misc. expenditures only, not large purchases): $1,120 to $2,760 depending on your income

Note: For most cases, these are the items included by default in each checklist (excluding the cost of giving birth, healthcare, childcare, etc.)

How expensive was it for us?

I have to admit, I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to tracking my expenses in Excel. I will even split transactions to reflect diaper purchases over normal grocery purchases. So the numbers below are quite accurate and all-inclusive.

My partner and I spent just under $2,000 for the first year of our baby’s life. This number includes a bit more than 12 months because we needed to buy things before the baby’s arrival. It excludes the cost of giving birth, daycare, and health insurance.

$2,000 is still A LOT of money, but oh my, it could have been super expensive if we didn’t get so much stuff for free.

Many of our friends and siblings were done having kids and gave us so much free stuff. I’ve found that there’s a magic period of a few years after people have their last kid and then they want to purge.

We were lucky to get so many free items for our child. I know that. Not everyone can get that many free things or might be the first to have a child out of family and friends.

But getting free items does mean that you can’t pick out the items that you love. It means that you won’t have the most Instagrammable nursery. You have to be okay with that. But for me, there was no question…bring on the free stuff!

We were also very deliberate in keeping our expenses low. One item we knew we wanted was a baby carrier. It’s hard to buy one secondhand though when you’ve never tried them on to know what is most comfortable for your body type. We went for a trip to a huge baby store and found the ones we liked…then, we scoured secondhand websites to buy used versions. Instead of spending $100+ on a baby carrier, we spent $12 on our first carrier.

We bought new items if it was significantly more convenient (it’s sometimes hard to find certain items secondhand), but then we would usually buy generic. Or we would ask grandparents and aunts for a specific item for birthdays or Christmas. That’s how we got our grow-with-me high chair.

For me, the biggest spending waste was buying different types of bottles to try in hopes that my baby would start to like a bottle, but that never happened. I’m hoping my second will like a bottle and I can finally make use of these barely-used bottles.

It can be daunting to buy all the items for your first child, especially when you stare at cost estimates in the thousands. Here are my tips for keeping expenses low in the first year:

1. Rethink what is necessary

If you look at those lists of what to buy, realize that many come from websites or stores that want to sell you something. Raising a child is very personal and based on your lifestyle. Think about what you need, not the average parent.

I thought about buying a nursing pillow, but I didn’t know if I would be breastfeeding or if I would need it. I put off the purchase and in the end, I found I didn’t need one at all.

2. Don’t buy it until you need it

Sometimes you think you will need a certain item, so you buy it early only to find out that you hardly use it.

I didn’t use a baby monitor for the first few months because I didn’t know if I would need it. My baby slept in our room at night and napped in the living room during the day. There was no need for a monitor at first, so I waited until I found the need for one. Then, I bought a cheap used one because I knew by that point that I didn’t need one with a video monitor or with fancy bells and whistles. I was no longer the hesitant new mom that was worried about her baby at all times of the day by that point, so I knew what I needed long-term.

3. Determine your non-negotiables

How you raise your child is personal and so are your needs. I use a stroller all the time because I live in a walkable area. If my mother-in-law didn’t gift me a secondhand stroller, I would have bought one myself because that item is necessary with my lifestyle. Someone else might not spend $300 on birth announcements and stamps, but I don’t live close to family, so it was an important tradition for us to send announcements.

4. Beg, borrow and steal

Okay, don’t steal, but do the first two. Who cares if you look cheap. Baby products have such a short life cycle that even if you have the money to spend, why not buy a lot secondhand? It’s kinder for the planet. Sometimes asking for free stuff is the push someone needs to clean out their baby stash.

Don’t be afraid to ask: hey, do you have anything you want to give away?

5. Libraries are your friends

Reading is important for any child. It’s nice to have your own books in the house, but you also want/need variety. That variety can come from the library and not the bookstore. It gets tiring reading the same stories over and over again, so add some refreshment from the library and not from your wallet.

6. Explicitly ask for the gifts you need or want

People can go crazy buying fun, frivolous things and toys for babies. Screw that. Tell people what you need. Be blunt with grandparents and friends. Send a list well in advance of birthday parties. Otherwise, they will buy what they want.

7. Take fewer trips to the store and spend less time on social media

It’s easy to get sucked in by consumerism. Stores sell such cute baby stuff. But if you want to control your costs, you need to stay away from the idea of picture-perfect nurseries and children’s wardrobes.

I mainly used what we got in terms of clothes, except if I needed a seasonal item that I wasn’t gifted…for example, a jacket or sun shirt. Were there cuter clothes out there than what I was gifted? Sure, but a baby will look cute in anything. Unless I was gifted it, I didn’t buy items until I needed them.

The picture on this page is not my child’s nursery. Mine is not Instagramable or Pinterest-worthy. My child does not have a picture-perfect wardrobe. She may show up in clothes with a few spots or worn knees. But my child is happy and healthy and we have our finances under control, so I’ll say that’s a win.

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Previously Published on medium

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