Expecting parents naturally have the vague impression that their life will be changing soon. And yet, there’s an oddly long quiet period between when you find out you will be having a child (nine months for pregnancy, approximately one year for adoption) that lulls the newbie into a false sense of security.
It’s only when you’re trying to figure out how to put a diaper on something that wiggles so much, or wondering passively if your home used to be filled with noises that weren’t screaming infant cries that you realize things are irretrievably different.
There are challenges to being a new parent. These pain points or adjustments are, for the most part, what will be described below. However, it’s important to understand that the way you feel reading about these things will be much different than the way you will feel experiencing them.
Being a new parent is such a joyous exciting time, you don’t mind most of the frustrations.
It Doesn’t Change
Ha. No. We’re kidding. It definitely does. But the way life changes after becoming a parent can be very subjective. It will depend on the sort of person you are and your child’s personality. The considerations we have featured below are of a general nature — that’s to say that they represent a change in life circumstances that are as close to universal as it gets for new parents.
Friends Become Less Relatable
You’re telling me you don’t clean up human poop every thirty minutes of the day? How odd. The details of your life shift pretty radically once a child is introduced into the equation. If you are one of the first people in your friend group to have a child, you will quickly find that their life experiences no longer match up so well with your own.
That doesn’t mean you will lose friends just because you’ve had a child. It’s just that the dynamic tends to change a little bit. At 8 PM, when they are ready to go out, you’ll be sitting on a couch, struggling against your eyelids. Or — yes. Changing a diaper.
Money
The financial reality of having children reveals itself relatively slowly. Sure, the moment you leave the hospital with your newborn, you’ll begin getting obscenely large bills in the mail — something to the tune of $3000-5000 all totaled.
But that’s only the tip of the iceberg. The other expenses will stack up gradually — particularly if you start out, as many first-time parents do, with a deluge of gifts. Toys, books, and clothes, that keep you from needing to buy much of anything for the first few months.
Breastfeeding mothers stave off the eventual expenses for even longer by avoiding the sometimes very high cost of formula. Make no mistake though. These things only delay the inevitable.
It’s been estimated that the cost of raising a child to the age of 18 is around $200,000. Now, there are certainly ways — many ways to reduce that cost considerably. No matter how you slice it though, you’re going to start seeing an increase in your food budget. Your clothing budget. Going to restaurants or movies will become more expensive.
Up until college, any single moment will rarely be tremendously expensive. What new parents learn is that children cost money constantly in small ways that can add up big in the end.
Time
Buckle up. You’re in newborn time for the next year or so. Then you’re in toddler time and trust us, it isn’t much better. Babies are very needy. For the first few months, your days will pretty much consist of giving them naps, feeding them, and trying very hard to get them on a sleep schedule that takes 3 AM out of the equation entirely. Good luck with that one.
Because newborns need so much, you won’t have time for other things. Eventually, your life will experience shades of normalcy, but for right now, the baby makes the schedule.
Sleep
There are stories of babies who sleep normal, human-like hours. Infants who wouldn’t dream of crying at night, even if they’d just watched the first fifteen minutes of Up. Here’s hoping yours is like that. If not, you can expect your sleep schedule to experience a radical shakeup.
Of course, it’s entirely logical — night and day are no different for a young child. All they know is that they don’t feel right and they need you to take care of it. The good news is that they’re never shy about asking for it. The bad news is that for the next few months it may mean that sleep is but a distant memory for you.
You can play around with the nap and feeding schedule to try and get your baby’s sleep routine to sync up with your own. This will usually take a while, but of course, the results are well worth it.
Your Sense of Worry
It’s not uncommon to hear a new parent say something like, “Well, the rash wasn’t going away so I took her to the emergency room, and — you’re going to laugh. It was a lipstick smudge!”
New parents have reason to worry. Babies are fragile. And because their immune systems are so new, they actually are susceptible to a wide range of illnesses.
Try not to worry too much though. Everything is going to be OK.
Boundaries with Friends and Family Members
This is a hot-button issue many new parents didn’t even know to expect. The way your friends and family members wish to interact with your child may differ from how you want them to. It may feel awkward asking your aunt to stop kissing your child on the face (remember that lipstick-related ER visit? Turns out Aunt Kelly was to blame). Or asking your dad to wash his hands before he holds the baby.
Do it anyway.
Here’s the thing — the kid isn’t going anywhere for a while. The boundaries you establish now don’t just pertain to the present. They help set the tone for the next eighteen years of friend and family interactions.
Heads up: it probably will be uncomfortable. It may even cause a little bit of temporary tension. You should still do it. You’re not pushing people away. You’re simply making it clear that as the parent you have the first and final say on how people interact with your child.
Photo Credit
Image by Stephanie Pratt from Pixabay
Guest Author Bio
Sarah Daren
With a Bachelor’s in Health Science along with an MBA, Sarah Daren has a wealth of knowledge within both the health and business sectors. Her expertise in scaling and identifying ways tech can improve the lives of others has led Sarah to be a consultant for a number of startup businesses, most prominently in the wellness industry, wearable technology and health education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life with a focus on making America a healthier and safer place for future generations to come.