You know, women enjoy sex just as much as men do.
We want to be wanted. We want you to want us. But sometimes, we have excuses. We don’t want to hurt your feelings. We aren’t doing it to punish you (unless we are doing it to punish you) – but fellas, sometimes we just need a break.
Here are the 13 reasons why we don’t want to have sex with you right now.
1. We are simply exhausted.
We’ve been running around all day, working, looking after children, cooking, cleaning… Or we are just women with hormones – and we are always tired. We never get enough sleep. Sex is just a chore when we are that tired… Just let us sleep. Even better, help us with the housework and the kids. Nothing is more of a turn-on than a partner that helps his woman around the house. I’m sure we would be keen if we weren’t just so tired.
2. Sometimes we just want a cuddle. And a cup of tea. And a biscuit.
After the kids have been tucked into bed, we finally get time with you. And we want that time to just – be with you – without benefits. Let us cuddle, enjoy watching Netflix, and just have quality time. It doesn’t mean we don’t like you, in fact, it means the opposite. We enjoy TIME with you, just not sexy time tonight! Let’s watch The Walking Dead instead!
3. You are just going too fast, slow down and take your time with us.
Sometimes we need a bit of tending to. Some caresses, some
LOTS OF foreplay. Don’t rush us – that’s no fun. If you want sex more often, and better sex, take your time with the pre-sex play. Tell us we look pretty.
4. We have a LOT of stuff on our minds.
It’s hard to concentrate on sex when we are worried about something. And as Mums, we have a lot to worry about. We aren’t like you, we can’t just ‘shut it off’ and worry about it later, we are different. Stress is a huge factor for us women. Maybe we should just talk about it and maybe we’ll come around to the idea!
5. We Feel Fat. Or Gross. Or Bloated.
We worry about how we look naked. Especially after having kids. We know you still love our body, and want us, but sometimes we just feel meh. We feel fat or gross. It’s a girl thing. Tell us we look pretty, and avoid touching the areas we are particularly sensitive about..
6. You have done something wrong.. so I’m punishing you.
Yeah, we can be vindictive bitches. It is our birth-right. So let’s talk it out instead. Or you can just sleep on the couch and ‘take care of yourself’ instead. That’s what hands were invented for!
7. I just want my body to myself!
You know, after being pregnant for nine months, then breastfeeding, having a toddler climb all over us, sometimes it feels that our body is just for everyone else. And if you are asking us for sex after a particularly challenging day, we might just feel like we need some ‘me’ time. That is, our body to ourselves. Please understand and don’t take it personally. No go over to your side of the bed, and tell me I look pretty!
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8. We simply are not in the mood.
We don’t feel like it tonight. Please stay on your side of the bed. We can’t be ‘on’ all the time.
9. Sometimes we really do have a headache.
We have hormones, periods, and babies. We are stressed. Of course we get headaches. Don’t whinge about it – go get me a couple of panadol, a glass of water and fluff our pillows. Maybe we’ll feel better in an hour or so. Start rubbing our feet – and perhaps work your way up and see what happens!
10. We think the kids might hear us.
Nothing is more un-sexy than the kids calling out mid-root. Or even worse, walking into our bedroom. Please install a HUGE lock on our bedroom door. And if you can keep quiet, I can too!
11. But we just had sex yesterday?
WHAT!! You want sex again! Jesus give us a break. We just did it.
12. We are on our period. Or about to have our period. Or are ovulating and crampy. Go away!
And personally, we’re not into period sex. But if you are, go for it – in the shower. Grab me a panadol or a wine and leave me alone.
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13. We are slightly addicted to our smartphone..
Sorry honey, I’m really addicted to the Covet App at the moment and am styling a look to for a Sixteen Year Old Queen.